Instant Ramen Museum: Osaka Weekend Part II

I have recently taken on the role of Crazy Food Museum Girl. If I had children they would probably be sitting in the back of a station wagon right now, sighing, rolling their eyes and whining. "Mommmmm! Do we have to go to the canned corn factory? We just toured the Ritz Crackers museum for Dad's birthday!" So I'm thinking it's a pretty good thing I don't have children. They would have totally ruined my plan to visit The Instant Ramen Museum in Osaka and that would have totally sucked because this museum is what dreams are made of. 

Top 5 Reasons Why The Momofuku Ando Instant Ramen Museum Made My Heart Go Pitter Patter:

1.) They have English audio guides! As I mentioned before, Yokohama's Ramen Museum was a bit of a let down because everything was in Japanese. But here I was able to soak up all kinds of useful instant ramen knowledge. Like, did you know that Momofuku Ando, creator of Cup Noodles, also invented the Styrofoam cup? Fascinating! These facts don't just grow on trees, people.

2.)YOU GET TO MAKE YOUR OWN CUP OF NOODLE! That's right: capital letters. Capital letters mean I'm serious about how awesome this is. This is awesome. Drop three 100 yen coins into a vending machine and an empty Styrofoam cup will drop out. You are then invited to sit down, in my case with an entire elementary school class on a field trip, with a basket of markers and decorate your cup. Then, take it up to the assembly line to receive your noodles. Here you get to choose what flavor broth you want (I chose Seafood) and four ingredients. I selected little bits of freeze dried asparagus, imitation crab, scallions and fish cakes shaped like little pink hearts and stamped with "Love." Next, watch as your cup is properly sealed and wrapped in cellophane. Brilliant! The Cup Noodle Factory wenches should also be mentioned: not only are they amazingly chipper and patient, they know that everyone wants to take about a billion photos of their personalized Cup Noodles. Without being asked, they automatically pose and hold up the cup for photos after every step.

3.) The museum is bright, clean, colorful and The Instant Ramen Tunnel highlights Cup Noodle and instant ramen packages sold around the world, from past to present.

4.) If you come on a day that was not the day that I came, you have the opportunity to make fresh ramen noodles. The museum offers hands-on courses, every day except Monday and Tuesday, so you can learn to stretch, knead, roll, cut and taste homemade ramen noodles. This only costs about $5.
 
5.) Oh, and speaking of money: the museum is free. Hurrah!

Perhaps I've slurped up all the noodle museums Japan has to offer. Fortunately the country is full of food obsessed tourists, which means there are many culinary theme parks.  Get in the car, kids! We're going to Gyoza Stadium!

God Bless the Burrito: Osaka Weekend: Part I

I've said it before and I'll say it again: burritos bring people together.

Example #1:

When I marched into Bank of America last year, primed to pull every last cent out of my account and move them all to a less sheisty institution, it was the love of burritos that kept me loyal to B of A. I sat down with one of the suit-and-ties, expecting the inevitably boring bank transaction, the lame banker jokes and the fake, forced, laughter. But then...

"You're from California?" he asked, squinting at the computer screen. "So am I!"

It's only logical that a conversation about California quickly turned to burritos: how we love burritos, how we miss burritos, how we don't love Seattle burritos, how we should run away together and eat burritos until sour cream pulses through our veins and we cry Tapatio tears.

The next thing I know he's reversing the charges on my account, permanently removing a monthly checking fee that had plagued me for years, moving my savings into a high interest account and giving me homemade chocolate chip cookies from his desk drawer. I considered canceling my afternoon plans so we could have cocktails in his cubicle. The other bankers ceased their fake guffaws. They were on high alert; they detected real laughter. They were suspicious as to how two people in a bank could be having such a good time.

It's the burritos, man. I'm telling you. They breed trust. They are a gateway drug to friendship. I would never trust a burrito hater and I don't recommend you do if ever in the unfortunate situation of being faced with one.

What does any of this have to do with Japan? Well, if you just calm down for a second I'll tell you. Jeez.

I'd been hearing about El Pancho, a Mexican restaurant in Osaka, for months. Two different people have told me that when they visit the city, they try and eat all of their meals here. I have to admit I was skeptical. One of these people is from England, the other from the American midwest. Not exactly the food capitals of the world. Uh oh. I felt a bad bad side of me start to creep in. I was morphing into my evil alter ego: Snobby McFoodie Pants. First I thought: "Pffffft. What do you bitches know about tacos? Have you even had real Mexican food?" Then I thought: "Pffffft. You're in Osaka! A food lover's paradise! Why would you eat that fake ass Mexican bullshit when you could be eating amazing Japanese food?"

Now, five months into my stay in Japan and desperate for anything wrapped in a tortilla, I was determined to track down this El Pancho during my weekend trip. Because burritos also breed good luck and sympathize with the directionally challenged, El Pancho turned out to be right down the street from the club where I was going to see an improv show. It was perfect! I'd treat myself to a Mexican dinner and head to the show. I managed to find the restaurant in the crowded Shinsaibashi district, walked into the elevator, and went to push the number 8, but it was already glowing.

"Are you going to El Pancho?" the Japanese girl asked in flawless English. I told her I was. "Are you meeting friends here?" I told her I wasn't. Two minutes later I was sitting at a long table with her and twelve of her chatty friends, most of them foreigners like me, ordering a Dos Equis and drooling over the extensive menu.

"How do you all know each other?" I asked the girl on my left.
"Oh, we all work for the same company here in Osaka. We're English teachers for AEON."

Dudes. Would you believe me if I told you that's the same school that I work for? Well, it is! Weird, huh? A very coincidental coincidence made possible by the magic burrito. So that is exactly what I ordered. Not a magic burrito, but a chicken one topped with red enchilada sauce, melted cheese and crowned with splotches of sour cream and guacamole. Some of the gals and I also split a quesadilla. There was Cholula on the table and two legitimately spicy homemade salsas served with chips. Admittedly, it was not the best burrito in the world, but it was pretty good (really good for Japan: the only other "Mexican food" I've had here involved cut up hot dogs floating around in a greasy cheese puddle) and I was in heaven. Not even Snobby McFoodie Pants dared to rear her ugly head. I was eating refried beans! There was hot sauce! It was like the crisis in the Middle East had finally ended. Time reversed and the earthquake in Chile never happened. People finally stopped saying "That's what she said!" Everything in the world was right again.

God bless the burrito.

Rice: Not So Boring After All

I must confess, I have always treated rice as a second, or even 4th, class citizen. A devoted noodle slurper, bread muncher and baked potato fan (it's the perfect vehicle for gobs of sour cream) rice has never been high on my starchy side-dish priority list. Sure, I've leaned on rice in times of need: to cool my mouth after a fiery bite of Thai curry or to keep the beans and carnitas company in an infant-sized taco truck burrito. But rice has always been my Joan Cusack of carbohydrates. Never the lead role. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Until now.

My rice cooker has easily become the most-used appliance in my kitchen (well, actually my rice cooker lives on top of the washing machine, but whatever). Every night I engage in the rice ritual: scoop the short grains from the 10kg bag and pour them into the rice cooker, wash the rice at least twice, scrubbing and swirling until the water turns milky, drain, add fresh water and a dash of salt, and set the timer for 10am. That's right, the timer. The Japanese have combined their two favorite things, rice and technology, allowing me to wake up to fresh rice every morning; the little yellow "warming" light kept aglow until I manage to slog out of bed and scoop it into a bowl.

Like many Japanese people, I have taken to eating rice two or three times a day. The grains are so deeply incorporated into the culture that the Japanese words for breakfast, lunch and dinner (asa gohan, hiru gohan & ban gohan) literally translate to morning rice, afternoon rice and evening rice. I have actually started to crave rice daily and it just seems to taste better here: a little nutty and a little sweet with a satisfyingly sticky mouth-feel. In the morning, I often have a bowl of warm rice sprinkled with furikaki, a rice seasoning, sold in dozens of varieties. I prefer a mix of thinly shredded nori, toasted sesame seeds and bonito flakes. Sometimes I top my morning rice with garlicky sesame spinach and a scoop of homemade daikon kimchee. On a less stinky morning I'll swirl a couple of beaten eggs into a bubbling pan of dashi, soy sauce, sugar and mirin then shake the soft cooked, umami coated, eggs over the warm rice. But sometimes I just want the simple comfort of plain, unadorned Japanese rice.

When I leave Japan, one of the things I will miss most is onigiri; the humble rice ball. Stuffed with a nugget of smoked salmon or maybe a pickled plum, and wrapped in a sheet of nori, onigiri are the perfect snack and a bento box staple. I make onigiri at home every morning, using my adorable little onigiri holders to mold the rice into perfect triangles. But what I really love are the ones from the convenience stores. I don't know if they're blessed by manatees or simply coated in crack, but man can 7-11 make some tasty onigiri! I could eat about 32 a day. My favorite part is the initial snap of the seaweed, closely followed by the soft chew of the rice. When I'm feeling simple I go for the triangles stuffed with a tiny blob of tuna mayonnaise or a tangle of dark green konbu. A fancy day means onigiri bearing raw tuna and green onion or a hunk of crab. I recently met a girl who works in the local 7-11 bento factory. I actually met the person who makes my precious onigiri! I nearly asked for her autograph.

Things I Miss: Episode 1: Brunch

Something was missing from my Sunday mornings. I couldn't quite figure it out. I did a mental checklist. Hangover? Check. Obscene laziness? Check. Book and magazine reading in bed? Check. It took a couple months, but I finally nailed it. Brunch! There is no brunch!

In Japan, breakfast is not usually a public affair. A typical morning meal is eaten at home and consists of rice, miso soup, grilled fish and pickled vegetables. The rice might be topped with a raw egg or, horror of horrors, natto: fermented soybeans with the consistency of snot and the smell of rotting kittens (I know, I'm sorry, but doesn't that sound like it would be the worst and the saddest smell?). Natto is the antithesis of brunch. Natto is bad. Brunch is so so good. There is really no better way to spend a weekend afternoon. All you need is a collection of your favorite messy haired friends and a plate of fluffy biscuits suffocating under a healthy (I do not use this adjective literally) blanket of sausage gravy. Extra points for a Formica table, bottomless coffee and delirious fits of laughter inspired by lack of sleep and the events of the night before.

I brought up the topic of brunch with Yoko, my BFIJ (Best Friend In Japan), who agreed that something had to be done immediately, if not sooner. We would have to forgo the Formica, the bottomless coffee, the biscuits and gravy, the restaurant, the pretty much everything I mentioned above, but damn it! There would be brunch!

In recent weeks, it seems all we do is have brunch. We are good at brunch. Last week we whipped up some excellent pumpkin spice pancakes, but there is one particularly simple meal that has us smitten. First, split a baguette of crusty bread. Then send a smear of soft butter, studded with chopped garlic, down both sides. Next, sprinkle with shredded cheese. Japan has no respect for cheese, so we are forced to use a flavorless and processed pre-shredded "white cheese." You should use a mix of freshly shredded Parmesan and mozzarella or Havarti or Gorgonzola or one of the other delicious cheeses that you are lucky enough to have access to, you bastard. Pop the bread into the toaster oven to melt and crisp around the edges. Meanwhile, fry some sunny side up eggs with salt and pepper. Make sure the yokes are nice and runny so you can stab them with your fork, let the velvety orange mess drip all over your bread, and make noises while eating them that are more appropriate for the bedroom than a brunch. Oh, but don't eat yet. You forgot the fresh basil, silly. Tear some up and scatter it across the bread before topping with your perfect egg. Shake a little Tapatio over the top, serve with a fruit salad, and you're in the business of brunch. Take that, natto.

Will Write For Travel

The goal: to arrive back in the United States, after a year spent in in Japan, and immediately get an amazing job that pays a huge salary and includes a loyal, but hunchback, butler and an office refrigerator that's always stocked with exotic cheese. In order to reach this goal, I figured I'd put in a little leg work. Or finger work as the case may be. I'm doing a little freelance travel writing for Peter Greenberg, host of a syndicated travel radio program and Travel Editor for CBS News, and my first article has just come out. Yippee!


http://www.petergreenberg.com/2010/02/10/budget-travel-tips-couch-surfing-for-grownups/#more-8060


Next up? Cooking classes in Kyoto and Tokyo...

Photos of the Week

How do you spell creepy? Um, this photo. It definitely made the walk home more interesting.

 

Finally! Milk that's NOT for homos. It's about time.

Holy mother of daikon! That's a huge...daikon. Seriously. Kitchen table wide. I've been working on this Ron Jeremy of a vegetable for nearly two weeks, cutting off chunks every single day, and I've almost completely conquered it. It's fresh from my cooking teacher, Yashida-san's, garden and tastes great transformed into kimchee or straight up as a snack.

I can't decide what's better: the look on the cat's face or the man's face. For reasons that only God and Barbra Streisand know, this man was proudly carrying this cat around the market on a clipboard. The cat seemed to have absolutely no issue with this, and calmly perched as passerbyers (including myself) pet it and cooed at it and completely encouraged this man's strange behavior. For the record, the kitty is not angry. There is a special sort of Japanese cat that comes equipped with these little smushed down ears.

I am a teacher. Oh, and a huge nerd.

I have been type type typing up this blog for nearly four months now, and just realized I haven't written so much as a lick about what occupies nearly eight of my hours a day, five days a week. My job! I'm a teacher. At a school. Weird.

It's very odd to suddenly have a new profession. Especially to suddenly have a new profession that I didn't go to school for, am not technically qualified for and never really had much of an interest in. I just woke up in Japan one morning, put on a suit, and Poof! I was a teacher! I have my own classroom (which fulfills my childhood fantasy of unlimited white board access) and students actually throw down the big Yen to sit and listen to me teach them things I learned in a 5-day training seminar while under the influence of extreme jet lag. At times, I completely forget that I'm a teacher. Recently a friend told me that teachers can get into a local museum for free. I automatically thought "Fuckin' teachers! I wanna get in for free!" Oh. I totally can. I'm a teacher now.

I teach adults, mostly university students and young professionals, with a scattering of high school students, senior citizens, salarymen and housewives. This job could never ever prepare someone to be an actual school teacher in the United States. In general, my students are the most polite, subdued, soft spoken, pleasant people alive, often to a fault. Last week when I dropped my pencil, a student nervously apologized and dove to the floor to pick it up for me.

Despite it being an English conversation school, some of my students seem to have a phobia of conversation. When faced with a simple question, such as How are you?, they stare at me silently and expressionless for what feels like centuries, like zombies in knee high socks with Prada purses. Sometimes I just want to slap slappity slap them back to life, and ask why they're paying up to $100 an hour to torture me with their silence. The money might be better spent on mime school. Of course, it must be noted that many of my students are absolutely lovely people to teach: they participate in class, laugh at my idiotic jokes and a few, perhaps tired of hearing me lament about my lack of oven, have surprised me with home baked treats.

A couple of weeks ago, I came home from work irritated by a particularly tedious class. I longed to install a hidden video camera in my classroom so I could document the little nuggets of ridiculousness and pass them  on to you people. Instead I opted for the next best thing: my oil pastels and a video camera. This is where my nerdiness comes in: I made a video. This is pretty much exactly what went down in my classroom that night.

Eat Walk Eat Walk: My Winter Holiday: Kyoto & Tokyo

As my Scottish coworker would say, I am one lucky sausage. I am lucky because I have some truly great friends, and one of them decided to fly allll the way to Japan so we could spend our winter holiday together. Yippee! Here are a just a few photos and highlights from our time together in Kanazawa, Kyoto and Tokyo.

Torii gates at Fushimi-Inari Taisha, Kyoto                                                                                                                 There are more than 10,000 of these gates, stretching for 4 kilometers, up a forested hill dotted with small shrines. We followed the path, eventually walked through all 10,000, and were rewarded with a view of the city. Each torii is marked with a few Japanese characters, which I assumed were ancient words of Shinto wisdom. Um, no. Turns out the toriis are sponsored by corporations, so they basically say shit like "Top Ramen" and "McDonald's" and whatever is the equivalent of Walmart in Japan. But there is some logic to this lameness: Inari is the God of business, so the gates are supposed to bring wealth and success.

Nishiki Market, Kyoto

Jam packed with vendors hawking freshly pounded mochi, a rainbow of pickled vegetables, homemade rice crackers and skewered street food, Nishiki Market made my brain crackle with overstimulated food lover's anxiety. I wanna try that! Look at this! What are those? That smells good! We stopped at a little stand for grilled oysters with lemon and giggled with gluttonous glee. As we wandered through the over-300-year-old market, I nibbled a giant fish cake wrapped with bacon, and decided it was possibly the best thing I've tasted in Japan.

Cooking Class, Kyoto                                       

Thankfully, Cathy is perfectly happy spending the majority of our trip shoving delicious things into our mouths. We signed up for a cooking class and were extremely pleased to discover it would be held in our teacher's spacious home kitchen. There was only one other student, an adorable Chilean gal living in Brazil, and together we prepared homemade dashi for a soup, teriyaki fish, a super tasty rice, chicken and veggie dish, and a spinach & shitake salad with sesame dressing. Our soft spoken teacher, Mariko, was the perfect hybrid of a modern and traditional Japanese woman, and the class was a definite highlight of our trip. She served us tea and cool slices of slick persimmon for dessert. 

Karaoke

Remember that scene in Adventures in Babysitting when the big, scary, deadpan dude says "Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues?" Well, that's pretty much just like Japan, except instead of the blues it's karaoke. You gotta do karaoke in Japan. It's pretty much mandatory. To my shock and amazement, my gal Cathy admitted she was a karaoke virgin. So Christmas night, instead of sipping eggnog and baking Jesus shaped Christmas cookies, we sang our faces off. Wham! Snoop Dogg. Cher. Hank Williams. No cheesy 80's ballad was left unsung. This proved to be a warm-up for Kyoto, where we would link up with some superfun hostel dwellers for a late-night karaoke extravaganza. Those with stage fright needn't worry; in Japan you get your own karaoke private room, a remote control to pick your songs, a tambourine (!) and all-you-can-drink soda. No one notices the tall cans of Asahi you smuggle in with your purse.

Tokyo

Always up for something a bit bizarre and out of the ordinary, Cathy and I found ourselves booking "rooms" at a capsule hotel in the Shinjuku district of Tokyo. They only had "luxury capsules" left which meant we got a chair and a tiny desk in addition to our little cubby hole. So luxurious. It was actually quite nice, compared to a hostel dorm room, where you don't get a little privacy curtain.


In Tokyo we continued our habit of walking approximately 132,000 miles a day, until our legs ached and our feet threatened to pop off our ankles.

One morning we joined masses of other fish fans at Tsukiji Market, the world's largest wholesale fish market, where sumo-wrestler sized tuna are auctioned off in the wee hours of morning for hundreds of thousands of dollars each. We went for breakfast, but by 9:30am the queues at the most popular sushi counters were already two-hours deep. Fuck that noise. Instead we opted for fresh fish, sans the hype, and nibbled on perfectly delicious nigiri and hand rolls at a crowded counter manned by an old chef who looked like he could slice sashimi in his sleep. We also strolled Kappabashi, an entire neighborhood devoted to selling kitchen gadgets, cookware and the fake, but incredibly real looking, plastic food displays used by so many restaurants.

New Year's Eve, Tokyo

It turns out our Kyoto karaoke buddies were also spending New Year's in Tokyo, so we pieced together a 13 person posse and headed for Shibuya to ring in 2010. Normally I am turned off by traveling with such a big group of sorta-strangers: no one can agree where to go, people wander off, one girl gets too drunk and locks herself in the bathroom barfing. But no such shenanigans occurred and it turned into one of the best New Year celebrations I can remember. When the clock struck midnight, we were standing shoulder to shoulder in Shibuya Crossing, with masses of people from around the world, under the pulsing neon lights and massive plasma screens fixed to the sides of buildings.

As we weaved through the crowd, in search of a bar, we hugged strangers, shook their hands, called "Happy New Year" to everyone in our path, and really meant it. My cheeks ached from smiling. I felt connected to every single person on the street. I wasn't thinking about the future or the past or people I wished were with me or getting another beer. I was completely in the moment and so happy to be there.

The Ramenatrix Takes On Yokohama

If there was a beauty pageant for cities, but instead of a Swimsuit Competition there was a Best Museums Competition, Yokohama would take the crown. Hands down. Yokohama would have black mascara running down it's face as a monstrous bouquet of red roses was thrust into it's arms and a glittering bejeweled tiara placed on it's head. Yokohama would be choking back grateful sobs as it thanked God for this honor and hugged all the other competing cities, sulking on stage in their silky pink pageant-issue sashes.

Not only does Yokohama have the Yokohama Museum of Art (an amazing modern art museum with the best exhibition I've seen in years), it is home to the Yokohama Silk Museum, The Japan Newspaper Museum and Broadcast Library (after I left they exhibited New Year's Day front pages from every newspaper in the world. Interesting idea, no?), the Yokohama Doll Museum, the Yokohama Curry Museum and about a bazillion other galleries. But the main reason I went to Yokohama was to tour the Shin-Yokohama Raumen Museum (their "u," not mine). No, I didn't stutter. An entire museum devoted to ramen. I'll slurp to that.

I could almost cry brothy tears just thinking about that fact that the majority of Americans think ramen is nothing more than a 10 cent packet of culinary desperation, eaten primarily and shamefully by college students who'd rather spend their parent-supplied grocery money on cases of Keystone Ice. If you've ever enjoyed true ramen, from a ramen shop, you know that is it so much more. At my favorite noodle slurping spots, in both Seattle and Kanazawa (they also have a branch in NYC for those of you in that hood), you can decide the firmness of your ramen noodles, the flavor of your broth, and a variety of accessories that include slices of pork, bamboo shoots and soft boiled egg. In Japan, different regions are famous for their particular spin on what was originally a Chinese noodle soup. At the ramen museum you are challenged to taste nine varieties.

The museum has three floors and two of them are built to be a 1:1 replica of a particular Tokyo neighborhood circa 1958, the year instant ramen noodles were invented. I strolled past the fake store fronts and old Japanese movie posters, cursing my lack of stomach space as I tried to decide which of the nine ramen shops I wanted to try. The original goal was realistic: to eat two bowls at two different shops. But, lamely, I woke up with a stupiddumb cold and didn't have much of an appetite, so the new goal became quiet pathetic: one bowl of ramen. Thanks a lot, immune system. You always ruin everything.



I eventually settled on Eki, from the Hokkaido region in northern Japan. I have been curious about Hokkaido ramen since I arrived in Japan, mostly because I heard there is often a pat of butter in the broth, plus it looked particularly porcine in the photo with both slices and crumbles of pork floating around the miso broth.

For all I know, an entire pig had been marinating in my bowl of ramen all morning long. The broth tasted more like a rich gravy, with a thin layer of oil hovering on top. The noodles, thicker and more yellow than the ones I usually suck down, lay in a lazy tangle on the bottom of the bowl, passed out and drunk on pork fat. An Elvis track is barely audible behind the sound of scissors snipping at the stiff tentacles of a large dried squid, the sizzle of oil hitting hot pans, and a spoon loudly banging on the rim of a metal pot. But, of course, the most powerful noise of all: the chorus of in-stereo slurps as my neighbors noisily sucked up the long curly noodles. I looked down the counter at the chopstick wielding ramenistas bowing into their bowls and imagined miniature Honey I Shrunk the Kids sized people climbing up the toothsome noodle ropes that stretched from broth to mouth. It is not only acceptable to loudly slurp your ramen in Japan, it is encouraged and seen as a sign of enjoyment. It is also very practical: the slurping allows in air that helps cools down the steaming hot soup.

It was a damn fine bowl, though not the best I've ever had. But, a lover of all things noodle, ramen has quickly made it's way onto my Favorite Foods list and I'm game to try a new variety any chance I get.

Truth be told, the rest of the museum was a bit disappointing. You can buzz on through the Tokyo neighborhood section in about 15 minutes, and the actual ramen exhibit is fairly small and completely in Japanese so I didn't learn a thing. However, I absolutely appreciate the museum's existence and think it was would be about 74 times more awesome if you can read and comprehend Japanese. I've heard of people spending their entire day there, but I worked hard to stay for an entire hour before hopping back on the train and heading back downtown.

Luckily, it turns out Yokohama is super mega awesome and I didn't make the trip in vane. I was completely smitten with the clean, modern and architecturally organized city with it's picturesque skyline, many parks and beautiful harbor. After spending a few days in the land of chaos, crowds and neon lights that is Tokyo, the country's second biggest city felt more refined, relaxed and breezy. I instantly got that "Oh my God, I could totally live here" sensation and was reminded of both Seattle and Boston. The city boasts a touristy Chinatown, where I was (finally) able to buy some proper hot sauce, and enjoy a little dim sum. Standing on the harbor on my first night in the city, I caught an amazing sunset and my first clear view of Mt Fuji. It was New Year's Day, I had just spent a week traveling around Japan with one of my best friends, and now I was on my own. I felt incredibly calm, happy and peaceful. With just a wee bit of a swine hangover.

In the kitchen: Japanese Cooking Classes!

Back in October, when I finally arrived at my apartment after a week of hotel living, I couldn't wait to get to the grocery store and start cooking my own meals. Foreign grocery stores are one of my favorite things in the world, and my first trip to Apita supermarket was a three hour affair. I wandered up and down each isle, squinted at the mysterious characters printed on packages and marveled at the huge selection of colorful, pickled vegetables in the refrigerator section. I was determined to cook only Japanese foods and filled my cart with miso paste, tofu and a two foot long bundle of skinny green onions.

Two weeks, and dozens of saran wrapped onigiri, later and I had completely exhausted my supply of Japanese recipes. I wanted to try new dishes but felt helpless, unable to read the labels on the bottles and jars in the grocery store. Was this mirin or cooking sake or vinegar? Defeated and frustrated, I turned to comfort food. I bought a package of spaghetti and the only Parmesan cheese I could find: a tiny, extremely overpriced, green can containing the dreaded Kraft Parmesan of my youth. I went home, locked the door, boiled up the pasta and ate the entire packet of noodles coated in butter and showered with processed fake cheese, salt, a shake of nutmeg and a drizzle of truffle oil that I'd smuggled into the country inside a pair of striped knee socks.

A few days later, I discovered that a foreigner-friendly community center near my apartment holds a free cooking class once a month. Unsuccessful in my attempts to find a cooking school, I couldn't believe my luck, and counted down the days until my first class.

The morning of class, I slid the paper screen door open and took off my shoes, adding my giant clown-like flats to the pile of teeny tiny boots and minuscule old lady loafers. Inside, a gaggle of hens in mismatched aprons were already peeling daikon and washing rice, clucking away and laughing in the large sunny kitchen. I was thrown an apron and handed a pile of shitakes to slice. The class was less of a formal class, and more of a let's-all-cook-together and eat lunch kind of affair. I watched the teacher as she poured mirin, soy sauce and sake, the holy trinity of Japanese cooking, into a hot pan of chopped greens before thrusting a pair of long wooden cooking chopsticks into my hands.

"You stir!" she commanded, a big watermelon slice of a smile on her shaggy bowl-cut framed face. 

The other teacher (far right in photo), who has since sent me an email declaring herself my "Japanese mother," proudly showed me photos of her baby grandson, but her face turned sour, and she clucked her tongue, before telling me about her other "bad son."

"He live in Tokyo and he has skin head! He in a band. Very loud. Not married. No good." A photo from her cell phone revealed a good looking guy with the cursed shaved head. She clucked again. "No good."

There wasn't a measuring cup in sight, so I took photos and tried hard to remember how to replicate the dishes we were preparing. Our little assembly line turned out savory foil packet salmon filets, smeared with miso, on a bed of caramelized onions and topped with shitakes, matchstick carrots and fresh parsley. We ate "good luck" rice, usually reserved for special occasions and served to girls after their first period, laced with red adzuki beans and sprinkled with coarse salt and black sesame seeds. I learned that the peels of a daikon should not be thrown away; they can be julienned and transformed into a side dish, along with the root vegetable's scraggly leaves, which are boiled, chopped fine and stir fried with the Holy Trinity and a small scoop of sugar. Lastly, we made a simple miso soup and tossed in all the extra veggies and plenty of chopped green onions.

The next class turned out to be a rare treat: we would be preparing a traditional New Year's Meal called Osechi. When I told my Japanese co-workers, they were surprised and impressed. Nowadays, most people order their osechi pre-made, giving the women a break from the everyday grind in the kitchen. Each item on the plate is symbolic of the New Year, and families across the country eat similar foods just like Americans on Thanksgiving. The meal is made up of many small components, varied in color and texture, and arranged artfully on the plate.

We started off  peeling: first the ginkgo nuts, collected from a nearby tree, were roasted until tender and threaded onto pine needles. Meanwhile, a couple of women peeled tiny boiled quail eggs, scored the tops, and carefully nestled a single salmon egg inside, like a jeweler setting a sparkling ruby into a ring. I was on fish cake duty, slicing the pink tinged loaves into half moons, and then making a few slits and transforming them into fancy fish cake twists.
There was a sort of stew packed with Japanese root vegetables, chicken, mushrooms and konjaku (one of my favorite Japanese food discoveries), teriyaki chicken and a shredded carrot and daikon salad. But my favorite part of the meal was the creamy black soy beans, sprinkled with Kanazawa's famous gold leaf.

At the end of the meal it was business time; I wanted to secure a deal with the two adorable teacher ladies. I wanted private cooking lessons. Once a month was not gonna cut it. They agreed, and no matter how much I tried, they insisted I only pay for the cost of the food.

This month: Project Eggplant!

Snow is For Suckers

So, the sky decided to open up it's giant butt hole a few days ago, and it's been pooping down plops of freezing cold snow ever since. It must have eaten a bad cloud or a rotten oyster or something because there are monstrous piles of white stuff everywhere. Poor sky. Oh, and poor me.

It might look pretty idyllic if you happen to be a rosy cheeked character in a Norman Rockwell painting, perched before a roaring fire, wearing a cashmere unitard, with a hot toddy in one hand and a bottomless trust fund marinating in a downtown bank. In that case, you might feel obliged to say something like "Oh, Richard, isn't it just beautiful? Put down that Chicken Soup for the Rare Coin Collector's Soul and and come look at this! It's simply magical!"

But those of us who have to tromp to work in this blustery mess, who have to wear tights and leggings under our pants, two shirts and a jacket under our coat and manly, super-tread, not 100%, waterproof hiking boots, that look ridiculous with the business suit you are required to wear, aren't so thrilled. Let me rephrase that: I'm not so thrilled.

I know this snow business is old news for those of you who grew up in New York or Alaska or for those raised by a talking cartoon polar bear in Antarctica, but I'm from California, bitches. Not Lake Tahoe or Plumas County: the Bay Area. I can handle the rain, thank-you-very-much Seattle, and I thoroughly enjoy an afternoon of sledding...but living in the snow? Meh. It's been four days and I'm totally over it. Are we there yet?

This morning *cough* at noon *cough* as I hit the snooze on my alarm for the fourth time, I began to seriously contemplate hibernation. What a great idea! Now I see why that crazy Grizzly Man wanted to befriend all those bears in Alaska: bears know what's up. Maybe I can just lounge my way through the winter. I'll hide inside my cozy little bento box with my new fuzzy pillow, and my friends, and wait for the city to thaw out. Oh, and when I say friends, I mean instant ramen (the good kind), the Internet, Sex & the City, downloaded Mad Men episodes, Bon Appetit magazine and a stack of good books. I'll emerge in Spring, bleary eyed, bloated from MSG, warm and dry, just in time to watch the cherry blossoms pop! pop! pop! open, on the trees, like kernels of fluffy pink popcorn.