Sunday, December 20, 2009

Snow is For Suckers

So, the sky decided to open up it's giant butt hole a few days ago, and it's been pooping down plops of freezing cold snow ever since. It must have eaten a bad cloud or a rotten oyster or something because there are monstrous piles of white stuff everywhere. Poor sky. Oh, and poor me.

It might look pretty idyllic if you happen to be a rosy cheeked character in a Norman Rockwell painting, perched before a roaring fire, wearing a cashmere unitard, with a hot toddy in one hand and a bottomless trust fund marinating in a downtown bank. In that case, you might feel obliged to say something like "Oh, Richard, isn't it just beautiful? Put down that Chicken Soup for the Rare Coin Collector's Soul and and come look at this! It's simply magical!"

But those of us who have to tromp to work in this blustery mess, who have to wear tights and leggings under our pants, two shirts and a jacket under our coat and manly, super-tread, not 100%, waterproof hiking boots, that look ridiculous with the business suit you are required to wear, aren't so thrilled. Let me rephrase that: I'm not so thrilled.

I know this snow business is old news for those of you who grew up in New York or Alaska or for those raised by a talking cartoon polar bear in Antarctica, but I'm from California, bitches. Not Lake Tahoe or Plumas County: the Bay Area. I can handle the rain, thank-you-very-much Seattle, and I thoroughly enjoy an afternoon of sledding...but living in the snow? Meh. It's been four days and I'm totally over it. Are we there yet?

This morning *cough* at noon *cough* as I hit the snooze on my alarm for the fourth time, I began to seriously contemplate hibernation. What a great idea! Now I see why that crazy Grizzly Man wanted to befriend all those bears in Alaska: bears know what's up. Maybe I can just lounge my way through the winter. I'll hide inside my cozy little bento box with my new fuzzy pillow, and my friends, and wait for the city to thaw out. Oh, and when I say friends, I mean instant ramen (the good kind), the Internet, Sex & the City, downloaded Mad Men episodes, Bon Appetit magazine and a stack of good books. I'll emerge in Spring, bleary eyed, bloated from MSG, warm and dry, just in time to watch the cherry blossoms pop! pop! pop! open, on the trees, like kernels of fluffy pink popcorn.


  1. I'm sick of the snow here too. Nice photos though.

  2. Oohh... I think your snow might be around for awhile sad to say:(

    but look at it this way you could try a fun new fashion trend called the haramaki.

    A haramaki is essentially a tube of fabric that goes around your tummy under your clothes. Sometimes it will also have a small pocket to put one of those warm packet things in it to help keep you warm. The idea is that by keeping your organs warm supposedly your body then focuses on keeping other parts of your body warm. I'm not sure about that but I certaintly liked the extra layer of warm!

    If you are interested just go up to any old lady undergarment store and say haramaki until they finally guide you to the correct spot!

  3. Such poetic images....the sky anus and poop precipitation. So.....Christmas-ey!

  4. Quit yer bitchen'woman. It is 12 degrees and falling in Detroit. We have snow, ice, terrorists and, oh yea.. it is still Detroit - the anus of the world.
    Put your boots on, trudge out and be thankful nobody is trying to carjack you in the nice clean japanese snow ;o)


  5. I'm rocking in a corner scratching hallucinated spider bites waiting for the next Mad Men season to begin. I like your hibernation idea. That would at least kill some of the time until Season 4.

    Totally digging your blog today. Travel blog reading = great alternative to work.